Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Keep circling until you run out of fuel...

On the last day of my planned 5-day-hospital stay in May, my neurologist gave me the analogy of 'airport landing slots'  in terms of getting the requested MRI done. If you miss your slot, you just ahve to keep 'circling'.

lone seagull in white sky
keep circling until you run out of fuel
At the time of discharge, I was told that I would be getting an outpatient appointment for this MRI, and be seen by the neurologist in 6 weeks time to discuss any of the findings from my stay and tests.
Of course, this is daft (as I wrote in that same post): "... It blows my mind that one is given an inpatient stay because it is so hard to get tests done via outpatients. And then you're an inpatient, hugging a bed for 5 days, they ask you to come back as an outpatient ..."

But what choice do you really have?
None.
Other than speak up, or take back control.

I was patiently waiting for these appointment to arrive.
I did get an appointment to see the neurologist in July.
I also got an appointment for a Nerve Conduction Test ... which was already done while in hospital...

As I did not get an appointment yet for the MRI, I rang the neurologist secretary again. Friday, and yesterday.

The telephone conversation brought me close to tears. 
Tears of utter disbelief.
Tears of anger.
Tears of having to deal with an incompetent "health" system. 

I was let to belief that I made up the MRI request...
There was no mention of an MRI request in the discharge notes, according the secretary.
So I must be wrong.

I know she is only reading the notes. She did not treat me while in hospital.
But somebody screwed up. Somewhere along the line.
OR
I am a writer of great fiction, instead of non-fiction, and I made up the stories I wrote about my 5-day-stay. See links to these at bottom of this page.

I told her of the neurologist and his team's attempts to get this scan done; their responses to the waiting times; the nurses constant ringing the MRI department; the requested needle (not being) in my arm, the physio in the community reading the letter from the hospital, which included a note about the upcoming MRI... etc. etc.

I am so utterly done with dealing with a sick "health" system,

They make me sick.
They make me depressed.
And then they have 'won', as they can say that I am ill because I am depressed...

So, will I keep circling- until I run out of fuel * and crash - to get this MRI?
Or will I safely land in a world which I know and understand, and stay put in my garden, in my house, in my studio and with people who do understand me, and support me...

I was ready to cancel any upcoming hospital appointments, and live the way I feel is best for me. Trust me, this does not involve hospitals...

Had an appointment my GP this morning (was already booked before yesterday's frustration).

She was appalled at the (non) treatment. Of wasting my time. Their time. And tax-payers money (to have me read books for 5 days). But unfortunately these incoherent hospital antics are NOT uncommon. She spends a great deal of her time chasing hospital consultants, and organizing appointments for tests. Which should have been done/organised by the hospitals.

Infuriating.
She is making her annoyance known to the neurologist, by phone, and if no luck there, by letter.
She did advise me to get the MRI. Just to be sure.
And reassured me that I am no where near being depressed... 
Angry? Yes. Upset? Yes. But not depressed.
At the anology of "keep flying until you run out of fuel...", she responded: 'until you end up in A&E, and then you get tests done very quickly as they want you out of A&E!

Incidentally: The word Patient:

noun
a person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.
  1.                        synonyms:sick person, casesufferervictim
adjective
  1. able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

    synonyms:forbearinguncomplainingtolerantlong-sufferingresignedstoical

Do I need to say more?



Hospital stories:

* Thanks Joan B for the title!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Retreat

... from Latin retrahere ‘pull back’ 


For the past few days
I had the great need, 
to retreat 
from the world.

To clear space
in my mind.


I found solace
in my front garden



Connecting with the earth
clearing weeds
cutting back
making space.

A few minutes at the time.
Taking plenty of time
to watch the snails 'moving house'
as I unintentionally 
disrupted their world.



My apologies.


Today, I was grateful
to connect
with the earth
when a bizarre telephone conversation
with a hospital staff member
brought my sanity
into question.

Sitting on my small crate
under the apple trees
pulling weeds
brought my mind back to
trusting my own thoughts.

Nature is healing.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

reuniting with my studio friends

Yesterday I made the tentavite steps back into my studio, to re- acquaint with the two little figures who are eager to make it out into the world.

These two are to feature in a Very Short animated video... whenever I get them finished, and filmed, and figure out How to actually make the video.

A project one year in the making already, and at this rate, might take another year.

All in it's own good time.

For now I am glad I made it back to my wonderful little cave, even for a few minutes.
I put some hair on the one with the hat, and added sleeves under her sweater.

Unfortuantelly, I am having some problems with her hands, so have to remake them again. (fourth time?) Eyes to be painted next, on a day when my hands are good and steady!

The sweater and hat were made by my granny for my Sindy doll, when I was about 10 years old. So, 45 years ago.
Dance of Life project
Dance of Life project
Dance of Life project
Dance of Life project
Dance of Life project

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The power of Meditation music

I start and finish each day
with listening to Meditation music



Free download from Sounds True

In the morning

I listen to Meditation Music from Sounds True during meditation,
during writing,
or if I wake up too early and still need some time to relax.

The music is FREE to download if you sign up to Sounds True, which has a store of other free downloads and an amazing array of books and CD's etc for healing, and learning.

It sets me up for the day.

Available from Sounds True

At night

When getting ready for bed, I listen to Self healing with Sound and Music; Revitalize Your Body & Mind with Proven Sound-Healing Tools by Andrew WeilKimba Arem


There are two CD's: in Session One, Dr. Weil discusses the latest in medical research that demonstrates how music heals the body and mind, while Kimba Arem teaches breathing and vocalization techniques for harnessing this potential. Session Two gives listeners just the music: a complete sound journey into expanded states of consciousness optimized for healing.


Some free videos on Youtube , and the CD, or download is available here.

I first found it in my local library years ago,and have listened to it almost daily. I have it downloaded onto an old iPod which is permanently in my bedroom.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Walking sticks or rolator

Yesterday I had a follow up meeting with the Community Physiotherapist after the hospital stay a month or so ago.
I was greeted with utmost respect and understanding. The assessment was detailed and lasted for over an hour. She gave me much credit for knowing my body well, and for being aware of the value of pacing etc. It really warms the heart to be listened to, and to have someone work with, to see if there is anyway I can improve my mobility and ability to some degree.

As we conducted the first part of a balance test, I kind of joked how I used to be a gymnast in my day. A reasonably good one. I even did some teaching for a few years. Good memories. Very good memories.
The physiotherapist said that the experience of being a gymnast probably helps me now with how to evaluate the workings (or non-workings) of my physical body. I know how to adjust my posture, although this does not come natural anymore.

Another discussion, after spotting a rolator in the gym, was about the use of mobility aids.
I have a parking lot full ...
From walking sticks, to a rolator, manual wheelchair and two mobility scooters (a small portable one, and a big sturdy one).
Corina Duyn standing on the beach with her walking sticks beside her brother and her wheelchair
After my steps into the sea in Texel,
with my brother Kees
As I want to build up my walking outside the house again, which I had resumed last autumn but collapsed back in February  I was wondering should I use the rolator in stead of my two sticks?

During a test, it proved that I walk with the same """speed""' (ha ha) with both, but that maybe the rolator, which has a little seat on it, will ease the stress of walking outside the door.
I can walk the same distance, but can sit down and enjoy the view, without the worry that I need to get home quick before my legs give up.

I like that.
It makes sense.

The reason I suppose I am more likely to use sticks v. rolator is a mental one.
With sticks I feel less disabled than using a rolator.
The same counts for a manual wheelchair verses a powered one.
My 'pimped' wheelchair versus a boring black one.
I feel less disabled ON my scooter, than IN my wheelchair.
Or being in wheelchair accessible taxi (seated in my wheelchair) than in the a transit with the HUGE letters Irish Wheelchair Association on it.

It is all just a tricks of the mind.


page from Into the Light by Corina Duyn with image and quote  IN a wheelchair, or ON a scooter
page from Into the Light. 
IN a wheelchair, or ON a scooter
pimped manual wheelchair with striped fabric and painted sides
my pimped wheelchair

Monday, June 19, 2017

Snail's pace

Nature is so incredibly beautiful


I spotted this snail in the raised bird bath
while dealing with the little bird 
 a few days ago.

It takes my breath away.

garden snail climbing out of a blue bird bath
Snail in the bird bath