This morning I decided to stay in bed for a while and watch a movie. Sunday morning luxury.
In the movie there was a scene in an airport, where travellers were transported on the airport-caddy.
I thought "That is me." I am that kind of person. "old", or "disabled".
It shook me.
I got upset.
I don't get upset that easily... What is going on?
Later on, I spoke to my wise friend Dolores.
She asked about my week in hospital. I told her of the beautiful moments, and the more challenging. (see post of the past 5 days - if you like to read them.)
This is the jest of what we talked about:
When you are called into hospital, it is a kind of contract. The stay has a purpose. It did not work. This lack of fulfilling the 'contract' can be compared to a betraying of trust.
Through the experience of the positive but challenging detailed probing into my symptoms by the physiotherapist, the waiting for MRI, the not talking with the neurologist before heading home (as tests were not completed), they robbed me of my power.
It left me vulnerable.
I think I am pretty good at managing my illness. How to deal with it on a day to day basis. How to work around the symptoms. How to work with the symptoms. How to make my day- my life- good. Maybe it is a brilliant case of sticking my head in the sand (or in my garden and my art and writing). I am well. I live well.
But being in hospital and being subjected to an ill-system makes me upset.
I go in happy and with an open mind. And come out upset, with a frazzled mind.
So, today, I am going to take back the power, as I have a busy few weeks ahead of me.
My journey to Holland starts tomorrow with a trip to the airport hotel. And then a Very Early start on Tuesday.
I will try to stay in touch here on my blog. ... if there is anyone who can tell me how to add images to the blog if writing on the iPad, please, please let me know!
Taking back the power started with a walk around me garden. And I like to ask you to join me.